Your zigzag smile, wondering eyes, and peculiar growl you let out gave away your white lie.
“Did you pee in your pants?” I asked half wanting to laugh at that strange growl you kept giving, an early sign of your performance skills.
“No mommy, grrrrrrrrr,” you uttered quickly following.
“Why are you lying to me?” I asked, not sure what answer I was expecting, you were so young and surely didn’t know why anyone, much less yourself, lied.
But you answered with tears welling up in your eyes, “I don’t know mommy, I’m sorry.” Irritated at the lie, I yelled “go to your room!” I’m sorry I did that. I was so young but so were you, and you were sorry.
I sat on the couch replaying my actions. It was quite possible my actions had nothing to do with your lie. I was stressed from this or that and my conscious overreacted. Then, like from a bee sting, my body jumped off the couch and I ran upstairs to your room and found you crying on your bed. I slowly walked towards you, scooped you up and told you, “it’s ok to make mistakes, we all do, even mommy does. What matters is what we do after. You said you’re sorry and I forgive you. I’m learning too.”
Then I uttered something that in the moment I had no idea you needed to hear. “You know, I love you even when I’m mad at you. Even when your acting crazy, even when you make mistakes, over anything, I will always love you no matter what,” I said with such swiftness.
You looked at me with your puffy eyes stunned at the words I just uttered. “You love me even when I don’t do the right thing?” you said, now smirking. And the most obvious simplest notion occurred to me, most of the lessons you take with you through life will be uttered to you from me or your father, so we better share our knowledge more often, and we too should also continue learning, if only to make sure your growth never stops.