All Things Written

All The Things I Want To Tell You

Month: March 2019

To My Boys, Who Will Be Men

The truth is, as a mother, I do hold certain expectations for you. No, not for your profession or even the grades you get in school. No, my expectations are for your character.

Stepping into my imagination you’ll see a version of yourself. A possible, hopeful, outcome of the type of man you’ll grow in to. The occupation varies, as does most every little detail, but there’s one constant, in short, you are a good man. In no way perfect, but good.

I’ve never made excuses for you, so you don’t make them for yourself. You learn from each mistake and move forward learning from life’s scattered misfortunes. You’re a man who brings up your partner, children, and friends. A man who respects every life and does not deem his more valuable then another. A man who listens. A man who feels emotion without shame. But also, a man who can exude courage, not living void of fear, but standing up in spite of it. A man who can discern between the things that strengthen his spirit and the things that shatter it. A man who, above all else, abundantly loves.

This variant of you is not unattainable, but there will be moments you feel far from it, like you’ve strayed so far from who you are, and what you know. Please know that’s ok, please know it’s never too late to make the right choice, and that I’m always here, to remind you of this boy I know.

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The Lesson From The Lie

Your zigzag smile, wondering eyes, and peculiar growl you let out gave away your white lie.

“Did you pee in your pants?” I asked half wanting to laugh at that strange growl you kept giving, an early sign of your performance skills.

“No mommy, grrrrrrrrr,” you uttered quickly following.

“Why are you lying to me?” I asked, not sure what answer I was expecting, you were so young and surely didn’t know why anyone, much less yourself, lied.

But you answered with tears welling up in your eyes, “I don’t know mommy, I’m sorry.” Irritated at the lie, I yelled “go to your room!” I’m sorry I did that. I was so young but so were you, and you were sorry.

I sat on the couch replaying my actions. It was quite possible my actions had nothing to do with your lie. I was stressed from this or that and my conscious overreacted. Then, like from a bee sting, my body jumped off the couch and I ran upstairs to your room and found you crying on your bed. I slowly walked towards you, scooped you up and told you, “it’s ok to make mistakes, we all do, even mommy does. What matters is what we do after. You said you’re sorry and I forgive you. I’m learning too.”

Then I uttered something that in the moment I had no idea you needed to hear. “You know, I love you even when I’m mad at you. Even when your acting crazy, even when you make mistakes, over anything, I will always love you no matter what,” I said with such swiftness.

You looked at me with your puffy eyes stunned at the words I just uttered. “You love me even when I don’t do the right thing?” you said, now smirking. And the most obvious simplest notion occurred to me, most of the lessons you take with you through life will be uttered to you from me or your father, so we better share our knowledge more often, and we too should also continue learning, if only to make sure your growth never stops.

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